Stormy Day

I suppose there are those that are happy all the time. But I haven’t met one yet. Even those that are always happy when they are with others still have their rough days at home. The more I get to know people the more I realize how similar we all are- good days and bad days.

Many people wish I only had good days and good news. They don’t want to hear the bad. I learn pretty quick who actually wants to know how I’m doing and who just wants bland platitudes.

I wish the painting I did above could truly capture the feeling I wanted to capture. I’m just not a good enough artist for that. The storminess all around, the light and darkness mixed together, the loneliness of the moment.

I’ve felt that way. I walked to the edge of the earth and out onto the stormy sea. Where do I go from here? Do I want to go out on rough waters? How dark will it get before the sun shines again? Will God expect me to jump into the frigid waters or will he send a boat? Does He just want me to simply wait?

Many old hurts boiled to the surface today. It is frustrating that as hard as I’ve worked to forgive and move on that some things are still difficult. I’ve healed much harder issues but sometimes its the little things that cut deep we don’t get around to dealing with.

Strangers might say something stupid, I’ve certainly heard my share, but I can chalk it up to the fact that they don’t know me. It is those that know me and hurt me that fester. Especially if I can’t talk about it and resolve it.

So many of the things today that came up were completely unexpected. It’s like standing there contemplating the lake and a fish jumping up and slapping me in the face. All I could think was, really? Where did that come from?

But if there is anything I learned from my issues with chronic depression is that the tunnel of darkness might be long, but there is always light eventually. I don’t have the long tunnels I used to have due to my medications and for that I am grateful. I know that if tomorrow doesn’t look better, the day after probably will. And God is with me through it all. There may be no one else who truly understands (though my husband gets pretty darn close!) but God always understands- even better than I can. I am so grateful to know that He is there.